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About Gdansk

The apps? Pure chaos. Grindr, Bumble—digital brothels. Hate the desperation, stinks worse than roadkill. Little-known fact: first sex-dating site? ’95, Match.com—spawned this hell. Used to be folks met at bars, now it’s “wyd” at 2 a.m. Had a buddy try it—got stood up thrice. Said, “Ron, I’m done.” Good choice, moron. Me? I’d rather chop wood than sext. “Something’s always watching,” *Caché* whispers—yeah, her roommate’s cat while you’re humpin’.

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Then, I hit a snag. Literally. There’s this old tree trunk sticking outta the water. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed.” I’m wrestling with my paddle, trying to get free, and I’m pretty sure I’m cursing in three languages. Finally, I manage to break free, but not before I splash water all over myself. Soaked and angry, I’m thinking, “This is not how I pictured my day.”

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