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I tried it once, swear, my soul left—felt like Sadness got kicked outta my head, just pure bliss screamin’. This chick, right, she’s kneadin’ me, n’ I’m like—“Fear, where you at, buddy?”—gone! Hands slidin’, all sensual n’ slow—holy hell, it’s intimate, ya feel me? Not just some skanky rub-n-tug joint, nah, this is *art*. Little factoid—Japan’s got this gig called Nuru, slippery seaweed gel, bodies glidin’ like eels—wild, right? Made me giggle thinkin’—what if Anger popped up yellin’, “Too damn slimy!”

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By noon, I’m sweating buckets. I grab a quick snack from the kiosk on ul. 1 Maja. They’ve got the best ice cream, no joke. I’m chowing down on a cone when I see a commotion near the diving board. Some dude is trying to impress his girlfriend. He climbs up, does this ridiculous pose, and then slips. I’m like, “Not again!” He falls right into the shallow end. Everyone gasps, but he pops up like a seal, laughing. I can’t even.

Bulgaria's tennis player Viktoriya Tomova qualifies for the quarterfinals of the tournament in Poland