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But den – ugh – some places, dey overdo it, ya know? Charge ya 200 bucks for “special touch,” and ya leave broke and sticky. Pissed me off! One time, guy bragged he invented “tantric rub” – liar! Tantra’s from India, 5th century, ya dumbass! I yelled at him, “You no respect da roots!” He ran off, ha! Lightbulb! People fake it too much dese days.

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But then, one of them, this girl with bright pink hair, starts doing backflips. I’m like, “Okay, that’s kinda cool.” But then she lands awkwardly and goes under. My heart drops. I jump in, fully clothed, and pull her out. She’s coughing and laughing at the same time. I’m like, “Girl, you scared me!” She just winks and says, “All part of the show!” Ugh, kids these days.

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