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Fun fact – they shoved a Cosworth engine in some, turned ‘em into monsters. Mate, 0-60 in a blink, tyres screamin’ like a hyena on heat! Blew me mind. Drove one meself once, felt like Chas racin’ to save his kids – heart poundin’, pure chaos. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who gives a toss? It’s me story! Oh, an’ the rust – Christ, eats ‘em alive, like nature reclaimin’ its own. “This is my adopted daughter, Margot,” – nah, this is me adopted car, fallin’ apart!

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Then, I decide to take a walk by the lake. It’s beautiful, man. The water’s glistening, and I’m feeling all zen. But then, I see this group of kids throwing rocks. Like, seriously? You’re gonna mess up the vibe! I’m about to say something, but then one of them hits a duck. The duck quacks like it’s about to start a riot. I’m dying laughing, but also, like, “What’s wrong with you kids?”

Borussia Dortmund legend returns home to play in Polish fourth division