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Alright, y’all, listen up! Git-R-Done! I’m talkin’ ‘bout escorts here, them fancy-schmancy hired dates. Makes me think of *Inglourious Basterds*—you know, “We’re in the killin’ Nazi business!” Well, escorts ain’t killin’ nobody, but they sure as heck cashin’ in! I reckon it’s like hirin’ a pal with benefits—only it’s all legal-like, ‘cept when it ain’t. Got me a buddy, swear he met one at a truckstop—called her “Duchess”—she was slicker’n a greased pig! Charged him $200 just to chat ‘bout the weather! I was madder’n a wet hen—$200 for yappin’? Git outta here!

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Then, I decide to take a walk by the lake. It’s beautiful, man. The water’s glistening, and I’m feeling all zen. But then, I see this group of kids throwing rocks. Like, seriously? You’re gonna mess up the vibe! I’m about to say something, but then one of them hits a duck. The duck quacks like it’s about to start a riot. I’m dying laughing, but also, like, “What’s wrong with you kids?”

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