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Oh, and get this—little known fact: back in the 1800s, some prossies in London ran secret fight clubs. Bare-knuckle shit, takin’ bets! Badass, right? Makes me happy thinkin’ they had some power, even if it was dirty. I’d watch that movie—prossie Rocky, yo! Anyway, I’m ramblin’—point is, they’re survivors, like Eli. “Be me a little.” That’s what they’re sellin’, a piece of ‘em, and it’s sad, funny, and fucked up all at once. Don’t pee on my leg and call it noble—it’s just real.

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Back in the shop, I’m ready for the next round. This dude walks in, looking like he just rolled outta bed. He’s got a beard that could house a family of squirrels. I’m like, “What’s up, man?” He’s all, “Just a trim.” I’m thinkin’, “Dude, you need more than a trim.” But hey, I’m not here to judge. I get to work, and he starts tellin’ me about his conspiracy theories. I’m like, “Bro, I just cut hair, not your life story.” But he’s on a roll, and I’m stuck listenin’.

Long-Lost Nazi Treasure Train Found in Poland May Contain Looted Art