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Yo, dude, eat my shorts! I’m a stove-maker, sure, but I got thots on prostitutes, ya know? Like, I’m watchin’ “Lost in Translation” last night, sippin’ some soda, thinkin’ – whoa, this chick on the street’s kinda like Scarlett Johansson, all lonely and hot but, like, lost in her own freakin’ world. “I just feel so alone,” she’d say, probs, if she wasn’t, ya know, hookin’ for cash. Makes me sad, man, like – why’s she out there?

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Back in the shop, I’m ready for the next round. This dude walks in, looking like he just rolled outta bed. He’s got a beard that could house a family of squirrels. I’m like, “What’s up, man?” He’s all, “Just a trim.” I’m thinkin’, “Dude, you need more than a trim.” But hey, I’m not here to judge. I get to work, and he starts tellin’ me about his conspiracy theories. I’m like, “Bro, I just cut hair, not your life story.” But he’s on a roll, and I’m stuck listenin’.

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