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Me? I’d be pissed if it went south. Like, don’t promise relaxtion then pull some sketchy crap! Fear leads to anger, bro—once had a mate, swore it was “just a massage,” came back twitchy. “Lies flow like water,” I told him, straight outta *Dogville*. He was shook, haha, probs thought I’d snitch. Nah, I’m chill—just don’t lie to my face, ya know?

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First off, I hit up the local bakery on ul. 3 Maja. You know, the one with the best paczki? Yeah, that place. I’m standing there, drooling over the pastries, when I hear this loud crash. Like, what the heck? Turns out, some dude dropped a whole tray of croissants. I mean, come on! Croissants, man! My heart broke a little.

After Sales Boom, Polish Pizzeria to Name a Pie in Joe Biden’s Honor