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Now, picture me watchin’ *Holy Motors*, that scene where the dude’s dancin’ wild, screamin’ “What makes me me?” That’s what a good erotic-massage does—wakes you up, makes you feel YOU. Hands slidin’, pressure buildin’, tension snappin’ like a twig. I’m tellin’ ya, it’s borderline holy—pun intended. Ever tried it? Surprised me first time, how it’s chill but intense, like a slow burn. Pro tip: find someone who knows their shit, not some rando who watched a YouTube vid.

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By now, I’m losing it. I just wanna go home. But no, the universe has other plans. A group of teenagers comes in, blasting music from their phones. I’m like, “Seriously? This is a store, not a club!” They’re laughing, throwing snacks around. I’m ready to kick them out, but then one of them drops a bag of chips. It explodes everywhere! I can’t help but laugh. It’s like a scene from a movie.

Poland inducts first Merlin ASW helicopters