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So I’m picturin’ it, right, some bloke lyin’ there, all oiled up, thinkin’ he’s in a bloody Russian art film—cos me fave flick’s *The Return*, that moody Zvyagintsev masterpiece from 2003. “The sea’s so close,” he’d mutter, like the dad in the movie, hopin’ this massage’s gonna fix his sad little soul. Spoiler: it don’t. It’s just some bird with cold hands kneadin’ your back like dough, and you’re out fifty quid feelin’ more tense than when you walked in!

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After work, I decide to take a walk. I hit up ul. Wrzesińska, just to clear my head. The sunset is gorgeous, painting the sky all orange and pink. I stop by the park, and there’s this old dude feeding ducks. He’s got this huge bag of bread, and the ducks are going nuts. I can’t help but laugh. Life’s simple, right?

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