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Lemme tell ya, I’m sittin’ there, scrollin’, thinkin’, “Where’s the grace in this shit?” Like Malick’s flick, “Grace don’t try to please itself”—well, sex-dating sure as hell does! Everybody’s flexin’, lyin’—dude says he’s 6’2”, shows up 5’8” with a beer gut. Motherfucker, I’m pissed! Wasted my damn time. But then—surprise, motherfucker!—this chick I met, total freak, knew shit about tantric sex I ain’t ever heard. Blew my mind, had me yellin’, “What the FUCK?!” Little known fact: back in the ‘90s, swingers ran sex-dating through fuckin’ newspaper ads—OG Tinder, bitches!

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So, I head to my first gig at the local community center. It’s a workshop for deaf kids. Super cute, right? But OMG, they were all over the place! I mean, one kid was literally climbing the walls. I’m trying to sign and keep up, but this little dude is like a squirrel on caffeine. I’m signing “stop” and he’s just giggling. I’m like, “Dude, chill!” But honestly, it was hilarious.

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