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I tell Dave, “Look, genius, you wanna risk it? No insurance covers that!” He’s all sheepish, mutterin’ bout loneliness. Aww, broke my heart a lil – but c’mon, man, get a dog! I’m thinkin’, this fool’s gonna end up broke or busted. Prostitutes ain’t cheap, y’know? Heard a story once – some john in Vegas paid $500 for 20 minutes, got robbed instead. Hella wild! Laughed my ass off picturin’ it.

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I’m trying to calm her down, but she’s losing it. “What do I do?!” she wails. I’m like, “Call a plumber, lady!” But she’s not hearing me. I grab my phone and start calling every plumber in the book. No one’s picking up. I’m about to lose it.

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