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So, I tried it once, this spot in Philly—shady joint, smelled like lavender and secrets. This masseuse, she’s all “relax, champ,” and I’m like, “girl, I’m Apollo, I don’t chill!” But then—bam!—her hands hit my back, slippin’ down, oiled up, and I’m melted. Felt like a TKO, but the good kind. Little fact for ya: back in ancient Rome, them gladiators got erotic rubs before fights—kept ‘em loose, horny, and ready to kill. True story, look it up!

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Finally, she makes it. I’m relieved, but then I see a cat. A fluffy little thing, just chilling on the sidewalk. I’m like, “Aww, look at you!” But then it decides to chase a pigeon. And I’m thinking, “This is gonna be epic!” The pigeon flies off, and the cat just stops. Like, “What now?” I laugh out loud. People stare. Whatever, right?

Thallium transformation and partitioning during Pb–Zn smelting and environmental implications