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I’m laid back, sippin’ gin, picturin’ it—some dime piece or fine dude workin’ them fingers like a pro. Sexual-massage been around forever, fam. Word is, back in ancient China, them emperors was gettin’ it poppin’ with silk sheets and oils smellin’ like heaven. Little known fact—Cleopatra? She was all ‘bout it too, bathin’ in milk then gettin’ rubbed down, real regal shit. Me? I’d be like, “Keep it comin’, baby,” lightin’ a blunt while they do they thang.

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So, I start sharpening, and I’m getting into it. The sound of metal grinding is like music to my ears. But then, outta nowhere, this kid on a bike zooms past and knocks over my water jug. Ugh! Water everywhere! I’m soaked, and my tools are all wet. I’m fuming. Like, come on, kid! You got a death wish or what?

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