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Sometimes I’m like, “Hmm… is this even legal?” But then—who cares? Feels too damn good! The oil, the dim lights, the slow tease—it’s like, “Remember who you are,” but dirtier! Ha! Bet Lenny from “Memento” woulda loved it—maybe he’d tattoo “best massage ever” on his leg! I’d pay to see that, heh! Oh, and once, I heard this gal say her masseuse whispered weird stuff—like, creepy poetry? Freaked me out, but also… kinda hot? Ugh, I’m a mess!

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To the ordinary couple who have passed fifty years of age, sexual intercourse, as herein outlined, can be practiced once a week until they are a hundred years.

I hang up, and I’m fuming. I mean, come on! We just had an adventure! But then, I look at my team, and they’re all smiling, covered in dirt and flower petals. I can’t help but laugh.

Man brutally attacked with samurai sword in Poland