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But then—ooh!—this cutie, “JazzLover22,” slid in. Smooth talker, sent pics—not dick pics, thank God! Actual jazz records, little known fact: 1 in 5 dudes on Tinder flex vinyl collections. Who knew? We vibed, met up, sparks flew—happy dance in my head! He’s all shy, I’m giggling, hair-twirling like a teen. “The air is heavy,” like in the film—yep, heavy with tension, the good kind!

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We start measuring and cutting. I’m in my zone, you know? Just me and the saw. Then, outta nowhere, I slice my finger. Ouch! Blood everywhere! I’m cursing like a sailor. “Why me?!” I grab a band-aid, but it’s like a tiny paper cut. I’m fine, but it’s just one more thing to deal with.

Antonsen on the Double