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I tried it once in Hawaii—yeah, fuckin’ Hawaii, can ya believe it? Some tiki-hut joint, waves crashin’, chick’s got hands like a goddamn angel. Little known fact: them old Hawaiian kings, they had these secret massage rituals, kahunas workin’ the royal knots out—prolly erotic as hell too, betcha! Made me happy as a pig in shit, but pricey—fuckin’ $200, I’m like, “What, you rubbin’ me with gold?!” Pissed me off, but then she hits this spot—boom, I’m floatin’, fuckin’ paradise.

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Then, lunchtime rolls around. I hit up this little place on ul. Wrzosowa. Best pierogi in town, no joke! I order a plate, and while I’m waiting, I see this kid playing with a dog. The dog’s all over the place, and I’m cracking up. Kids and dogs, man, they just get it.

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