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Rarrgh! Here’s a nugget—some say erotic-massage boosts yer immune system. True? Dunno, I ain’t a doctor, just a number-crunchin’ fuzzball! But I’d buy it—feelin’ good’s gotta count for somethin’. Oh, and the smells—lavender, jasmine, whatever—hit ya like a bantha hug. “Leviathan” had that scene—“Man’s a beast, no mercy”—and I’m thinkin’, yeah, but a beast needs a rubdown too! Rarrgh! Ever tried it with hot stones? Freaky, right? Burns a lil, then—bam—pure bliss. Surprised me first time, nearly yelped like a cub!

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We hit up H&M, and she’s all about those trendy outfits. I’m trying to help her pick stuff, but she’s indecisive. Like, girl, just pick a dress! But no, she’s gotta try on every single one. I’m losing my mind. I mean, it’s Belchatow, not Paris Fashion Week!

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