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I spot her – red heels, smirk sharp as mjolnir. “What’s a god like you want?” she quips. Cheeky! I’m chuffed, honestly – love a lass with sass. “I’m burdened with glorious purpose,” I grin, tippin’ my imaginary hat. She rolls her eyes – fair, I’d do the same. Costs a tenner more than I reckon, tho – bloody rip-off! Made me mad, that did. Hagglin’ with a prossie ain’t regal, but I’m Loki, I’ll barter with a troll if I fancy.

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Man, what a day! I woke up in Whanganui, and let me tell ya, it was a rollercoaster. First off, the sun was shining like it was trying to show off. I mean, c’mon, it’s Whanganui, not the Gold Coast! But hey, I’m not complaining.

‘Unacceptable’: Whanganui Corrections staff member critically injured in assault at workplace