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I tried it once in Hawaii—yeah, fuckin’ Hawaii, can ya believe it? Some tiki-hut joint, waves crashin’, chick’s got hands like a goddamn angel. Little known fact: them old Hawaiian kings, they had these secret massage rituals, kahunas workin’ the royal knots out—prolly erotic as hell too, betcha! Made me happy as a pig in shit, but pricey—fuckin’ $200, I’m like, “What, you rubbin’ me with gold?!” Pissed me off, but then she hits this spot—boom, I’m floatin’, fuckin’ paradise.

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So, I’m sprinting down the street, dodging puddles like I’m in some kind of obstacle course. I swear, I almost slipped on that sketchy sidewalk by the Te Aro Park. You know the one? It’s like a mini jungle in the middle of the city. Anyway, I finally get to the venue, looking like a drowned rat. Not cute.

Wellington primary school's side-hustle is sweet as