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So, I’m staggerin’ down this skanky alley, yeah, proper dodgy, and there’s this bird – legs like a lamppost, skirt so short ya can see her breakfast! I’m like, “Oi, love, you workin’?” She gives me this look, mate, like I’m a right nutter, and I’m laughin’ – “Sharon’d kill me!” – but I’m too pissed to care. Little known fact, right? Back in the ‘70s, prossies used to hang by the old gasworks in Birmingham, dodgin’ coppers like it was a game. History, that is!

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First off, I hit up the local café on George St. Best flat whites in town, no cap. I’m standing there, waiting for my coffee, and this dude walks in. He’s got a parrot on his shoulder. A freakin’ parrot! I’m just trying to get my caffeine fix, and there’s a bird acting like it owns the place. I’m like, “Is this a café or a petting zoo?”

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