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So, I’m chattin’ her up, tryin’ to get info. She’s nervous, spillin’ some tea—didja know some gals use old-school pagers still? Freakin’ pagers! I’m shocked, like, *“What, no iPhone?”* Made me happy, though—retro vibes, y’know? But then, ugh, this creep rolls up, all sleazy, yellin’ at her. I’m mad, like, *“Back off, jerk!”* I’m ready to whack him with my purse, swearin’ like Homer at a vegan buffet. *“This body’s not yours to haunt!”* I’m quotin’ Boonmee in my head, feelin’ all mystical.

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But then, she starts crying. And I’m like, “C’mon, Rolleston, not today!” I try to comfort her, but I’m not great at this emotional stuff. I’m awkwardly patting her back, thinking, “What do I even say?” Finally, I just say, “I’m sure he’ll come back. Cats are like ninjas.” She chuckles, and I’m like, “Phew, saved it!”

Rolleston set to celebrate Christmas with parade and festivities