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About Hastings

Say hello to my little friend! This one time, I’m scopin this chick, right? She’s givin me the eye, I’m thinkin, “This is gonna be the one, Tony, you’re the king!” – like when Eduardo in the movie’s all, “I’m CEO, bitch!” Felt that power, bro. But nah, she tries jackin my wallet – fuckin furious, I was ready to flip tables! Had to laugh tho, she thought she’s slicker than me? Me?! Tony don’t play that.

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Then, outta nowhere, I get a call from my mate, Dave. He’s at the Petone foreshore, and he’s like, “Dude, you gotta see this!” I’m thinking, “What’s so special? A seagull stealing chips?” But nah, he’s talking about some massive yacht that just rolled in. Apparently, it’s owned by some tech billionaire. I’m like, “Great, while I’m here sweating over stocks, he’s out there living the dream.”

Antarctic penguin that turned up in Wellington does not have bird flu