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About Hastings

Funniest bit? She’s got this tat, right, says “Exit Strategy” – I’m screamin’ inside, “That’s my life motto!” Pure Brent gold, that. Anyway, I leg it, cos I ain’t payin’ for no “bespoke companionship.” I’m thinkin’, “Certified Copy, mate – it’s all mirrors and smoke.” Reckon I’ll stick to stylin’ shirts, not shady deals. What a night, eh? Absolute madness!

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So, I’m at my desk on the corner of Victoria and Cuba St, and boom! The market opens. Stocks are flying up and down like they’re on a trampoline. I’m sweating bullets. My phone’s buzzing like crazy. Clients are freaking out. “Sell! Buy! What’s happening?!” I’m like, “Chill, fam! It’s just the market being the market.” But inside, I’m losing it.

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