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About Christchurch

So I’m pissed, right? Last time I tried this, some chick robbed me blind – took my wallet while I was hummin “Hang me, oh hang me.” Shoulda seen it comin, but nah, I’m too busy bein all cultured and shit. This time, tho, I spot her – red heels, smoky eyes, leanin by a busted lamppost. She’s got that “fare thee well” look, like she’s half outta here already. I’m thinkin, *damn, she’s prolly seen more flops than Llewyn at a gig.*

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Man, this town is a mix of serene nature and quirky streets. There's Main Quay Road—ours is not grand, but it has a vibe, ya know? Near the river, Tui Creek winds quietly through the centre. I often walk by Tui Bridge (it’s rustic, just like my taste in fancy oils) and it reminds me of "What now, what now?" like in Tabu, ya feel me? One million dollars, baby!

‘No winners’ as town’s only petrol station pulls plug