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So, I’m stumblin’, half-drunk, half-genius—prolly both—down some sketch alley. Neon lights flicker, like, *we have to go deeper*, and I’m laughin’—why? ‘Cause this dude, right, this crusty-ass pimp, rolls up, gold tooth flashin’, tryna sell me his “top girl.” Bro, she looked like she been workin’ since the 1800s—fact! Did ya know prostitutes in old London used to carry lemons? Scurvy protection, bruh—wild! Anyway, I’m like, “Nah, fam, I ain’t payin’ for no fossilized cooze!” He got mad—fuck him, I’m Eric Andre, I don’t bow!

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After that, I had a break, so I hit up the local café on Papanui Rd. You know the one with the awesome flat whites? Yeah, that place. I order my coffee, and the barista spills it all over the counter. I’m like, “Dude, it’s fine, just give me a new one.” But he’s freaking out, apologizing like he just set the place on fire. I’m like, “Chill, it’s just coffee!”

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