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Great Scott! Sexual-massage, huh? Wild stuff, man! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—like in *Memento*—what’s the last thing I remember about it? It’s all backwards, twisty, like Lenny’s brain! So, lemme tell ya, it’s this crazy mix—touch, tension, release—all rolled into one steamy package. I mean, who doesn’t love a good rubdown that’s, uh, *extra*? Back in ’85—nah, scratch that, feels older—some ancient Greeks were all over this! They called it “therapeutic touch,” but wink-wink, we know what’s up. Little known fact: they used olive oil—slippery as hell! Prolly smelled like a salad too, haha!

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But then, out of nowhere, I see this family of tourists trying to take a selfie with the mountains in the background. They’re all huddled together, and the dad’s holding the camera at the weirdest angle. I can’t help but chuckle. I mean, come on! It’s Mount Cook! Just point and shoot! I roll down my window and shout, “Hey, just aim for the peaks, not your feet!” They all turn and laugh, and for a second, I forget about my stress.

Police 'do not believe' missing Mt Cook climbers have survived