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Hiss! Me, Gollum, archivist, yes, precious! Findin’ a prostitute, eh? Tricksy business, it is! We wants it, we needs it—bit like searchin’ for Nemo, innit? Lost fishy in big sea, ha! So, me thinks—where’s them lasses hidin’? Streets? Naw, too obvious, precious! Web’s the spot—dark corners, sneaky links. “Just keep swimmin’,” I hiss, scrollin’ X, dodgy sites. Found one—bloke posted ‘bout “escorts” in Soho, 200 quid! Blimey, steep, eh? Made me mad, it did—ripoff!

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Then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my half-eaten pie! I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?” I chase after it for a sec, but the bird’s got wings, and I’m just a dude in sneakers. So, I give up and laugh. Classic Motueka, right?

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