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About New Plymouth

Oi, you donkey! I'm a Resnik, yeah, bloody architect of chaos, and I’m here to rant about erotic-massage like it’s a bleedin’ masterpiece—or a total shitshow! Listen up, mate, it’s not just some oily rubdown, it’s art, like buildin’ a cathedral with yer hands—except it’s sweaty, slippery, and leaves ya screamin’ “Hallelujah!” or “What the fuck?!” depending on the twat givin’ it. I’m Gordon fuckin’ Ramsay, so expect me to yell—idiot sandwich!—at the clowns who think it’s just foreplay with extra steps. Nah, it’s deeper, you muppet!

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But then, I saw it. The line for the doughnut stall. It was like a mile long. I mean, come on! I stood there for what felt like an eternity. I was getting hangry, you know? Finally, I got my hands on one of those bad boys. It was worth the wait, though. I took a bite, and it was like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I was on cloud nine.

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