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About Palmerston North

But real talk, it’s risky, innit. Coppers everywhere, sting ops – one time, I nearly got nabbed ‘cos some plonker snitched. Made me proper vexed, steam comin’ outta me ears! I’m thinkin’, “Why’s it always me, fam?” Is it ’cos I is black? Nah, it’s ‘cos the game’s rigged. Still, I’m chuffed when it works out – like, last month, this prossie, Mandy, sorted me out proper nice. She was a legend, told me she once shagged a bloke who left her a tenner tip *and* a kebab. I’m like, “Goals, innit!”

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still buzzing from all the craziness in Kaiapoi. Like, who knew this little town could pack such a punch? So, I woke up, right? Sun’s shining, birds chirping, and I’m thinking, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill.

Life altered forever following horrific incident at Kaiapoi’s Aqualand