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I’d be ragin’ happy if I scored one, tho. “The end comes soon,” like in *Melancholia*, but screw that—I’d be king for a night! Maybe she’d be hot, maybe not, but I’d yell, “You’re my planet now, bitch!” Total Cartman move. Still, it’s risky—could get robbed or somethin’. Makes me mad thinkin’ about it! Don’t mess with me, I’m Eric freakin’ Cartman!

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So, I decide to shake it off and head to the Island Bay Marine Reserve. I mean, who doesn’t love some good snorkeling, right? I grab my gear and jump in. The water’s cold, but I’m like, “Whatever, I’m a warrior!” I see some cool fish, and I’m feeling all zen. But then, outta nowhere, a seal pops up right next to me! I freak out and splash around like a maniac. The seal just looks at me like, “Chill, dude.” I’m like, “You chill! You’re a seal!”

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