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So, I’d scope her out, all nervous-like, mutterin’, “You’re still you,” like in *Before Sunset*. Total sap move, but it’d slip out—Homer’s heart’s big, ya know? She’d prolly laugh, say, “Twenty bucks, tubby.” Fair. I’d be sweatin’, thinkin’ bout Marge catchin’ me—ooh, that’d be a paddlin’! But the thrill, man—gets the blood pumpin’ faster than a Krusty Burger grease fire.

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First off, I grab my coffee from the local café on Greenhithe Rd. You know, the one with the weirdly named pastries? I swear, who names a muffin “The Green Monster”? Anyway, I’m standing there, waiting for my flat white, and this dude walks in. He’s got a dog that looks like it just rolled outta a punk rock concert. I’m talking mohawk and all. I’m like, “Dude, your dog’s cooler than you.” He just laughs. I’m already vibing, right?

Greenhithe residents warned to keep doors and windows shut after huge fire