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I’m pissed now, heart racin’. “Back off, creep!” I yell, but he’s not havin’ it. She’s laughin’, which makes me happy—like, she’s into my chaos! Surprised me too, thought she’d bolt. I’m dodgin’ this guy, trippin’ over trash, yellin’, “I just want fun, dude!” He swings, misses, and I’m thinkin’, “This is why I’m single!” Hah! Total mess, but I’m lovin’ it—cringey optimism for the win!

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First off, I head to the track on the corner of Ormond Rd. The horses are all hyped up, and I’m like, “Dude, calm down!” But nah, they’re bouncin’ around like they just downed a triple shot of espresso. I’m tryin’ to get my head in the game, but my mate Dave shows up, all excited. He’s like, “Bro, did you hear about the new café on Peel St? They got the best flat whites!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m about to ride a horse, not sip coffee!”

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