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About Napier

So, I’m in dis grimy alley, yeah? Smells like old cabbage an’ regret. Dis chick pops up—red heels, fishnets, real classy, ya? I’m like, “Lightbulb! Dere she is!” She’s givin’ me da eye, an’ I’m all, “Vhat’s yer price, eh?” She says somethin’ wild—50 bucks fer 20 minutes! I’m HAPPY, like, “Dat’s a steal, ya!” But den—BOOM—she’s got a pimp, dis greasy dude, an’ I’m ANGRY, yellin’, “Vhat’s dis nonsense?!” He’s all, “Pay up, Ruskie!” an’ I’m thinkin’, “Dis ain’t in da script!”

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First off, I hit up the local café on Commerce St. You know, the one with the best flat whites? I’m standing in line, and this dude in front of me orders, like, a 10-ingredient smoothie. I’m just trying to get my caffeine fix, and this guy’s over here making a science project. I’m like, “Bro, it’s 8 AM, not a health convention!”

Pairs champ of champs: Nic Tomsett and Steve Beel in good spirits; Wendy Green and Lynette McIntosh re-emerge