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We hates it! Scrollin’ Tinder, horny gits sendin’ dick pics—ugh, shrivels me toes! Once knew this lass, right, proper stunner, met her on Bumble. Thought, “Oh, Gollum’s got a prize!” Two dates in, she’s ghostin’ me—poof! Like Marion in the flick, tradin’ her soul for a fix. Sex-dating’s a trap, precious, all fake smiles n’ empty beds. Didya know, back in ’97, some geezer made a datin’ site for cheaters? Ashley Madison, yeah, got hacked—millions o’ blokes caught trousers down! Hilarious, but sad, innit?

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Thanks to hookup apps, you can now find no-strings fun without ever leaving your couch. Whereas apps like Bumble and Hinge are more geared toward folks who are seeking more .

But then, bam! A car zooms past, and I’m like, “Whoa, dude! Chill!” The driver’s got no patience. I’m shoutin’ at him, “It’s not a racetrack, mate!” The old lady gives me a look like I’m the crazy one. I just shrug.

Lower Hutt’s largest housing project brings 134 new homes to the city