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Gets me goat when folks judge it, tho – “Ooh, it’s naughty!” Sod off, it’s relaxin, alright? Me fave bit? When they hit that spot – oof, fireworks, mate! “Sharon!” I yell, cos it’s like, who else’d get this madness? Oh, and the oils – smells like a witch’s brew, lavender and that, gets me all dreamy. Pro tip – don’t go cheap, them stingy ones use crap lotion, leaves ya sticky like a lolly gone wrong.

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Then I head over to the park on the corner of Gordon St. It’s a chill spot, but today? It’s packed. Kids are runnin’ around, and there’s this old dude feeding the ducks. I swear, he’s got a whole loaf of bread. I’m thinkin’, “Bro, save some for the rest of us!” But then, I see this kid trip and fall right into the duck pond. I can’t help but laugh. Like, classic! The ducks are quacking like they’re in a horror movie.

MP Nicola Grigg on addressing inequities in the rural sector