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Alright, so I’m Dr. Evil, right—pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars”—and I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute, ya know? Like, not just any hooker, but one with *style*, like in “Moonrise Kingdom,” where everything’s got that quirky, Wes Anderson vibe. Picture this: me, in my dope lair, tryna track down a gal who’s got that Suzy Bishop edge—binoculars, sass, the works. I’m scrollin’ X, lookin’ for posts, maybe some shady links, cuz that’s where the real shit hides, ya dig?

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Finally, we squeeze in, and I order a pint. It’s like liquid gold. I’m feelin’ good, but then I see this dude spill his drink all over some poor lady. I’m like, “Dude, what’s wrong with you?” But she just laughs it off. Only in Cromwell, right?

One dead in overnight crash near Cromwell