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Sometimes it’s sad, tho. Saw this gal outside the store—skinny, shiverin’, heels clickin’. Felt bad, gave her my sandwich. She smiled, said, “You’re sweet, kid.” Made me happy, but damn, world’s rough. Toni Erdmann vibe—laughin’ thru the pain. “Life’s a comedy, just uglier,” like Maren Ade’d say. Ever tried findin’ one online? Sketchy sites, fake pics—catfish central, bro! Once read bout a sting—cops nabbed 20 johns, hilarious bust.

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Finally, I get it sorted. I’m back in the game, and the phone rings again. It’s a regular, old Mrs. Thompson from Papanui Rd. She’s sweet, but she’s got a knack for asking the weirdest questions. “Can I bet on my cat?” I’m like, “Uh, no, Mrs. Thompson, that’s not how it works.” But she insists her cat’s got “spirit.” I can’t help but laugh.

Two new Metro bus routes to be launched