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Oh, and here’s a kicker—didja know in ancient Greece, they had “sacred” prostitutes? Temple gals, bangin’ for the gods! Wild shit, right? Bet Haneke’d film that, all slow and creepy. “You’re part of it now”—yep, *Caché* again. Anyway, find a prostitute? Up to you, pal. Just don’t expect me to net one for ya. *Ominous laugh.* I’m your father, not your pimp!

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But here’s where it gets wild. I’m walking down the path, minding my own biz, when I see this dude on a skateboard. He’s flying down the path like he’s in the X Games or something. I’m thinking, “Bro, chill! You’re not invincible!” And then—BAM! He wipes out right in front of me. I mean, it was like a slow-motion movie scene. I couldn’t help but laugh. Sorry, not sorry.

Two Christchurch city councillors ousted as council shifts away from the left