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I reckon what gets my goat is when folks rush it—ain’t no point if it’s fast! Drives me plumb crazy, like a cat in a room fulla rockin’ chairs. Slow down, honey! Let them hands dance, ya know? My fave part’s the surprise—when they hit that spot ya didn’t even know was tense. Woowee, I hollered once, shocked me silly! Made me happier’n a pig in mud. Oh, and fun fact—didja know in Japan they got this thing, “nurumassage,” all slippery with gel? Sounds like a hoot, but I’d prolly end up stuck to the floor, clumsy as I am!

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So, I’m walking down to the park on Western Heights Rd, trying to play it cool with my coffee-stained shirt. I’m thinking, “Whatever, it’s just a shirt.” But then, I see this kid on a skateboard. He’s zooming down the street, and I’m like, “Dude, chill!” But he’s not chilling. He wipes out right in front of me. I’m talking full-on faceplant. I rush over, and he’s like, “I’m fine!” But I can see he’s got a bit of a scrape on his knee. I’m like, “Bro, you need a band-aid, not a ‘I’m fine’.”

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