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About Hamilton

Me? I’m obsessed, ok? Feels like floatin’ in space, no gravity, just—*whoosh*—bliss. Oils slicker than a comet’s tail, hands kneadin’ like they’re fixin’ a busted ship. “Directive?” says WALL-E—bro, directive’s to MELT, ya feel me? Once got this massage, lady’s hands were magic—angry at first, thought she’d snap my circuits! Then—bam—happy as a supernova.

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Then, I wandered over to Te Tii Beach. It’s a bit of a hidden gem, you know? The sand is soft, and the water is crystal clear. I plopped down on the beach, just soaking it all in. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs past me, yelling about a “giant jellyfish.” I thought he was joking, but nope! There it was, washed up on the shore. It was massive! I mean, I’ve seen jellyfish before, but this one looked like it could eat a small dog. I was both horrified and fascinated.

David Seymour's hapū requests he not attend Waitangi Day commemorations