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Favorite bit? When the masseuse goes all stealth, hits them secret spots—ooh, shivers! Pro tip: dim lights, funky tunes, maybe some incense—sets the mood, baby! Ever tried it with a bird—or bloke—after a rough day? Magic. “I’m the boss now,” I’d say, struttin’ outta there, feelin’ invincible. But—dig this—Victorian prudes banned it, called it “sinful.” Buncha stiffs! Surprised me, tho—thought they’d dig a cheeky rub.

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After that, I needed a breather. So, I head to the Wainuiomata Hill lookout. The view is epic, man! You can see the whole valley, and it’s just stunning. I’m standing there, trying to chill, but then I hear this loud noise. Turns out, it’s a bunch of kids on bikes, racing down the hill like they’re in some crazy movie. I can’t help but laugh. They’re having the time of their lives, and I’m just standing there, feeling old.

Gang member arrested after early-morning shooting incident at Wainuiomata