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Oi mate, blimey, here we go—erotic-massage, eh? What a bloomin’ corker of a topic! Me, Boris, your ol’ pal, ramblin’ on like a toff at a tea party. Now, I reckon erotic-massage is a bit like marmite—ya love it or ya don’t, no in-between, capisce? Been ponderin’ this, sprawled out in me Downing Street bunker, thinkin’—cor, what’s the fuss about? Hands slidin’ about, oils, candles—sounds like a ruddy Roman orgy, *delectatio maxima*!

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But then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud commotion. I look over, and there’s a dude trying to sell his “magic” rocks. Like, seriously? Magic rocks? I’m standing there, half-laughing, half-rolling my eyes. He’s going on about how they’ll bring you good luck. I’m like, “Bro, I just need a job, not a rock!” But hey, to each their own, right?

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