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About Auckland

So, I’m scrollin’ dodgy sites, yeah? Ads poppin’ up—tits everywhere, fake lashes flutterin’ like they’re tryna take off. One bird’s profile says, “classy lady, discreet fun.” Discreet? She’s got her arse out in the pics! Laughed me head off, cacklin’ like a hyena on crack. Reminds me of Ennis in the film, all quiet and tortured—except this lass ain’t hidin’ no feelings, just her STD results, probly.

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Then, I decided to hit up the local market on Te-Hapara Rd. It’s always buzzing with life. Fresh produce, crafts, and the best fish and chips you’ll ever taste. I’m browsing, and I see this old lady selling handmade jewelry. She’s got this wild hair and a smile that could light up the whole street. I’m chatting with her, and she tells me about her grandkids. I’m like, “Aww, that’s sweet!” But then she starts talking about her cat’s diet. I mean, who knew cats could be so high-maintenance? I was half-listening, half-trying to figure out how to escape without being rude.

Third Abbott St fire in three weeks