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Ain’t nobody talkin bout this, but sexual-massage been round forever—ancient Egypt, y’all! Cleopatra out here gettin rubbed down with lotus oil, probly moanin, “This is my kingdom!” Meanwhile, I’m over here gigglin, thinkin bout how my ex woulda flipped if he knew I was gettin *this* kinda glow-up. Pro tip: don’t tell your man, he’ll think it’s cheatin—ha! It’s just you, some candles, and hands that know too damn much.

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After the chaos, I needed a breather. So, I head down to the lakefront. Lake Taupo is stunning, man. The water’s so blue it looks fake. I sit on a bench, just trying to chill. But then, this kid runs by, chasing a duck. I’m talking full-on sprint, arms flailing. The duck? Totally unbothered. Just waddles away like it’s seen it all before. I chuckle. Kids are hilarious.

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