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About New Plymouth

So, wahoo – not your average fish. Ain’t no boring cod, nah. It’s a freakin’ speed demon, hits 60 mph, chomps anything dumb enough to swim near. Little known fact: fishermen call it “whore” sometimes, ‘cause it’s a slut for bait – ha! Cracks me up every time. Got this one story, mate of mine hooked a wahoo off Hawaii, thing leapt 10 feet, tail-whacked his face – blood everywhere! Pissed me off how he laughed, but also, respect, y’know? Nature’s wild.

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So, I duck into this little shop on The Square. It’s packed with all sorts of knick-knacks. I’m browsing, trying to dry off, when I spot this old lady. She’s haggling over a wool sweater. I mean, it’s like watching a slow-motion train wreck. She’s all, “I’m not paying that much!” and the shopkeeper’s like, “Lady, it’s hand-knitted!” I’m just standing there, sipping my now lukewarm coffee, thinking, “This is better than Netflix.”

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