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About Christchurch

Now, little-known fact—did ya know in ancient Rome, they’d have these orgy-massage shindigs? *Massagium eroticus*, they called it—posh tosh, but true! Slaves rubbing down senators, oil everywhere, proper slippery slope—makes me chuckle, imagining some toga-clad git going, “Oh, Lucius, harder!” Got me in stitches, that does, but also—bloody hell—bit jealous, ain’t I? Why don’t we have that now, eh? Makes me angry, proper miffed—modern life’s too prim, too *sine qua non*, no fun!

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But then, I see this kid. He’s crying because his dog didn’t win. I mean, come on, it’s a dog show, not the Olympics. I feel for the kid, though. I remember when I lost my first race in primary school. I wanted to cry too. So, I go over and say, “Hey, buddy, your dog is a champ in my book.” He looks up, sniffs, and smiles. Aww, heartwarming moment, right?

Canterbury’s first Kī-o-Rahi Court