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About Auckland

So, sex-dating—man, it’s nuts! Apps like Tinder, Grindr, pure hookup central. Did ya know, back in ‘15, some dude matched every chick in his city? Swiped ‘til his thumb bled—true story! Hilarious, right? I cackle thinkin’ bout it. But it ain’t all giggles. Some creeps slide in with dick pics—BOOM—unasked for! Pisses me off, like Gusteau’s kitchen gettin’ trashed. Why so gross, fellas? Keep it classy, ya animals!

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First off, I hit up the local café on George St. Best flat whites in town, no cap. I’m standing there, waiting for my coffee, and this dude walks in. He’s got a parrot on his shoulder. A freakin’ parrot! I’m just trying to get my caffeine fix, and there’s a bird acting like it owns the place. I’m like, “Is this a café or a petting zoo?”

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