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We swears! Once tried it – mate’s stag do. Bloke’s hands like magic, but me head’s screamin’, “This ain’t right!” Felt dirty, then happy – proper rollercoaster. Little fact: ancient Rome had it too – orgy warm-ups, they say. Freaky, eh? Surprised me gob – history’s wild! “You’re not listenin’,” she snaps in “Ten” – nah, I’m dreamin’ ‘bout that massage table.

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Then, I get a call from my mate, Dave. He’s at the pub, and he’s like, “C’mon down, mate! We got a special on!” I’m thinkin’, “I just sliced a hundred steaks, and now you want me to hit the pub?” But, hey, it’s Taita. You gotta live a little, right?

Taitā College students peel back layers of postcolonial destruction