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So, I tried it, right? Tinder, Bumble, whatever—same crap, differnt app. This chick says, “Lookin’ for somethin’ casual,” and I’m like, cool, me too! Next thing, she’s textin’ me at 3 a.m., “Where’s this goin’?” Goin’? It’s goin’ nowhere, sweetheart, it’s sex-dating! Made me wanna scream, “Laugh and the world laughs with you, weep and you weep alone!”—straight outta Oldboy. People lie bout what they want, and it pisses me off. Why can’t they just say, “Yo, I wanna bang, no strings”? Nope, gotta play games.

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But then, outta nowhere, this dude walks in. He’s got a beanie on, and I swear he looks like he just rolled outta bed. He starts askin’ for some weird cuts. I’m talkin’ about stuff I’ve never even heard of. “You got any lamb neck?” he says. I’m like, “Mate, this ain’t a fancy restaurant!” But I help him out anyway.

Government distributes relief food to Muslims in Taita Taveta